Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll

Sex, drugs, and rock and roll all complicate our lives. And it seems like they were all created to really have an effect on boys. It was no accident that Kindlon and Thompson wrapped up Raising Cane with chapters on the subjects. (I'm equating rock and roll with anger - it's the only way my argument can hold any water.)

We are inundated with images of sex, especially those images appealing to heterosexual men. When something is deemed "sexy" or "sexual" in manner, it usually refers to scantily-clad women making advances on men, not the other way around. Boys are told from day 1 that sex is there for their enjoyment, and that the women (or sometimes men) are the objects of that enjoyment...that is, until they start asking for things like emotional intimacy or commitment.

And what is sex often used to sell? Alcohol.

Take the ad to the right for an example: a degrading, sexually suggestive photo with a bottle of the advertised vodka prominently place in front. What's the message here? This vodka will lead to sexual enjoyment for the man who chooses to drink it.

The connections between sex and violence even go further in confusing male identity. Nowhere is this more played out than in film, especially those in the horror and action genres. Check out this trailer for the 1978 film, Halloween.

Sexually suggestive situations and attractive girls are juxtaposed with images of extreme violence.

All of these confusing elements can also be seen or heard through rock and roll music. The term "rock and roll" was even used at one time to describe sex. In addition to the sexual undertones, the music has often been associated with images of excess. This excess has been particularly associated with sex and drugs. To demonstrate some of the effects, here are some scenes from the classic documentary, Heavy Metal Parking Lot.

Of course, this excess in music is not limited to rock music...Go to this link to see a satirical look at hip-hop videos.

My argument is not that sex, drugs, and rock and roll are bad. However, the ideas and images associated with them can be confusing for young boys. They need to understand that none of these things should be enjoyed in excess...well, except rock and roll.

It is important for boys to understand how to properly translate these images and messages, plus how to express their feelings about their masculinity or relationships. To leave them with nothing more that some images of sex, violence, and excess without any coping mechanisms is asking for trouble.

For most of my childhood, I was exposed to many of these messages in mass media. The thing that helped me understand why these images of manhood exist and their true purpose was the conversations I had with my dad. He explained what Prince meant when he sang ," I knew a girl named Nikki/I guess you could say she was a sex friend/I met her in a hotel lobby/masturbating with a magazine."

We watched films like Up the Creek or Porky's and my dad discussed how these sexual situations were not real, they were fictionalized to entertain. The was a clear difference between entertainment and real life in our home.

As I look back over my years of teaching, I've seen many, many students struggle with these images. Most, if any, did not receive the same guidance I did in learning to reconcile these confusing messages with our identities. I remember having to teach boys that calling a girl a "chicken head" was not acceptable. They didn't understand what the problem was.

Then there has been times when the kids have called each other "gay" or "faggot". The fights boys have been in over someone saying "your momma" have gotten out of control. The combination of confusing images and lack of parental guidance that is gender-neutral can cause many problems for these boys as they grow an develop.