Under the Influence

I hate to admit what were my influences growing up. My pop-culture playlist consisted of several different things: He-Man, Charles Barkley, Michael Jackson (I'm sorry now), the Muppets and Jim Henson, MTV, Hootie and the Blowfish, the Animaniacs, Garfield, Dave Coulier from Full House, any stand-up comedian, children's theater, etc.
I'm not sure how all of them worked to produce the man that I am today. I know that I love to laugh and don't take much too seriously. It's what He-Man would have wanted.
I know I value my family, children, getting along with people, entertainment, treating people with respect, and education. I probably didn't get the respect thing from Sir Charles, though he did teach me how to be tenacious and a hard-a$$ in sports. I think there's a lot of positive things to be learned from Fraggle Rock. I make my kids watch it now as part of our Friday Treat. I guess I really don't know what made me me. I know I see a lot of my parents in myself and I have always been a firm believer in the ability of parents to be the ultimate influence in a kid's life. It's not always true, but a confident and comfortable kid, I feel is more likely to see something and not be adveresely affected by it. That's how, when I volunteered at a pre-school, I was able to watch so many episodes of Barney without shooting people. I tend to be off-topic a lot so I guess the point of all this is, I think my family was what really defined me as a person...and episodes of Gilligan's Island.

Perception is Reality and Reality is FAB-U-LOUS!

Perception is a funny thing. You really have very little control over what people are going to think about you. The best you can do is always put your best foot forward. I find this especially true since I started working full time in the elementary schools. Maybe I should have figured something was up when my college pick-up line, "Hey there, sweet thang, I want to teach tiny children for little to no money, what's your sign?" didn't get me any play. There's something not very appealing about a guy who feels comfortable in pink, likes the Muppets, and works with little children. Don't get me wrong, I found the one woman who seems to dig that combination and we are getting married in February. The only reason I bring her up is because there is an overwhelming perception that I (and a lot of other male primary teachers) are in fact raging homosexuals. (I like using raging with there because it makes them sound like a rough and tumble gang.)
Not that it’s a big deal, I embrace the jokes (I even make a lot of them), I’m proud of my Kohl’s Gold Card, I watch Project Runway and Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, I enjoy working with kids, talk in funny voices, oh, and I have that Muppet thing. Honestly, how people perceive me has become less of an issue for me as I got older. The only reason I bring all of this up is because I’ve had an interesting situation unfold with the mother of a student in my class.
She’s met me once in person, for all of five minutes. She wanted to introduce me to her son who was joining my class the next day. (I found out later that she was apprehensive about her son having a male teacher – though I haven’t been made aware of any male influence in his life.) Her son wasn’t always at school, in fact he was gone 33% of the time. As such, I called her at home fairly frequently to check up on him. I guess I had talked to her at least 10 times during the first quarter and early second.
On Halloween she called up and asked me to help her son get into his costume when the party began in the afternoon. “He’s got a scarf that goes on it. You know how to put on a scarf like a woman wears it, right?” I was trying to be nice so I say, “Sure, I think I can figure it out.” Big mistake. Her response: “Uh-huh, yeah, I thought so.”
Later that day, my boss seeks me out to tell me that he just got off the phone with a principal from another school in the district. Turns out, directly after she got off the phone with me, the mother called another school to enroll her son because, “that teacher over there, you know him, he’s a little…well, you know…GAY!” She was informed that she wasn’t allowed to move her son just because I said I might know how to put on a woman’s scarf.
Really? What kind of a school system are we running that I can subject her kid to scarves whenever I want.
No wonder the Wal-Mart brass is pushing for school vouchers. But I digress.
At first in this situation, I was offended that she thought I was gay. First she was concerned that I was too manly for her son to have as a teacher, suddenly, I’m not man enough, apparently. Sure, I call the kids, ‘Hon’ and talk to puppets when I teach. I’m not afraid to look silly if it will help or give a hug when it’s needed. Heck, the more I thought about it, the more I thought, “OK, fine, I can see that.” Perception is something I can’t really worry about. I worry about doing my job well.
Eventually, I wasn’t too offended about her misperception of my sexuality. I was more bothered that she thought I couldn’t teach her son. Period.

Interesting Notes:

• I’ve decided to use the words ‘super’ or ‘fabulous’ at least once in conversation whenever I talk to this woman from now on.
• Her son does a mean Elmo impression. I wonder how she feels about that?
• She didn’t even pack her kid’s scarf for his costume. How was I supposed to display my scarf prowess?