From Kangmo--

When I look at my childhood, I didn’t have a desire to be like my father because my father was working hard, drank well, and smoke a lot. I actually hated my father until I became an adolescent. But when I went through my adolescence, I came to understand why my father had to work hard, drink much, and smoke a lot. Before I understood my father, I always liked my mother because my mother was a caring person and her direction was always clear. She always taught me that books are important and learning is important.

When I entered a middle school, boys were getting bigger and started to compete who was the strongest guy in the class and in the school. But I wasn’t quite interest in making myself a strong guy, especially, physically because I thought physical superiority was not important as a mental maturity. One of my close friends who didn’t like to lose in any competitions, even in fighting, always exercised to make strong fists and arms and learned Tea Kwon Do. But somehow I thought it was not important. The important things were “patience, honesty, and diligence.” That’s what my mother emphasized all the time in my childhood. So I thought that a real strong man could be an enduring and patient and understanding-others man. My father hardly played with me. I really wished that my father was playing with me. I was really happy when he was playing badminton with me. It was a vivid memory for me. And sometimes it was a happy moment to go out for dinner with him. I had always wished to play with my father a lot. But it didn’t work well. I became an adult.

When I grew up, my mother sometimes said, “Kangmo, you should help your wife if you get married. Your father had never helped and even he had never come in the kitchen. I think it is not good. Don’t do that if you got married.”

Frankly speaking, whenever I see a tall and looks-strong guy, I wish I could be like that guy for a moment. But I soon realize I am not that guy. I just see myself as I am.

As I read Raising Cain, I was interested in “emotional illiteracy.” Somehow I wanted to hide my feeling to others for a while, especially emotional action such as weeping. I thought somehow it was not manly. Men should not show their tear. We have a saying in Korea: “Men weep only three times: 1) when they were born; 2) when their parents were dead. I think I hardly saw my father’s tears. Compared to my father, I tend to weep a lot. I think I had tried not to show my tears to others, but not anymore.