Guys can have emotions and be cool at the same time

In my past profession as a police officer it amazed me on why guys could not open up about what they are truly feeling. After a serious incident, a past agency, made it mandatory that all officers involved attend a “post incident debriefing” to discuss about what everyone is feeling. It amazed me that after going through something very serious and having tons of different feeling going through your head that a guy could not open up and tell what he is feeling. I only attended one of these debriefing before and when I was told to go I thought good here is my time to get all these feeling off my chest with they guys and girls who were there. I mean I could talk to my wife, but she would not understand what I was really going through after seeing going through a high speed car chase with 3 people who just robbed a bank with automatic weapons, and I was now chasing them at speeds of over 100 MPH traveling through 3 different counties and the only one on “my team” was a deputy whom I have never met. That the car they were driving drove through a fence and through a corn field and that we decided (me and the deputy) not to risk going through the field in a patrol car. The suspects were in s SUV. The SUV got away and ended up stopping at someone’s house and knocked on the door and then when it was answered shot both of them and then took their vehicle. Talk about second-guessing my decision not to chase. I was flooded with so much emotion that I got numb when it was time to go to work and while at work just went through the motions not wanting to be there. I thought that by getting all this junk out in the open would do me a lot of good. Then when the time came no one wanted to talk and me being a rookie in a department of over 500 officers in a debriefing involving over 30 officers I was not going to stand up and say what the heck is going on with me. I thought that I was weak because I was not able to deal with this while all my beat buddies acted like nothing was wrong them. Why is it so tough for a guy to show weakness and vulnerability in front of other guys?

After reading this it was a real eye opener. Guy/boys are brought up not to show weakness and when they do it is shunned upon. Boys are simply trained to be tough. I really liked the thought, after reading about the all boys’ school, of having an all boys classroom with a male teacher. I think that boys could benefit in not having girls around so they have to me macho at all times. I remember getting hurt on the playground and wanting to cry so bad and I didn’t only because I did not want everyone to laugh at me and the girls to think was less of a boy. In the 5th grade class that I am in, I see boys showing off to try and impress the girls. I think in a all boys; classroom you would not see this happening.

I have grown up in a family where the guys do not tell each other they love them and heaven forbid they hug each other. I am a person a deep love for other people and I frankly loving hugging another person. But I consider myself not in the norm. I have a son and there will never be a day where I do not tell him I love him or give him a big hug for n reason. I remember my dad used to tell me he loved me, and I cannot remember when he stopped. I know that he loves me but why did he stop telling me? I know he got it from his dad, cause when I give my grandpa a hug and tell him I love him he give me a half hug back and say “yeah”. Why not I love you too? Why is it so hard for a guy to tell another guy who is related to him that he loves them.

I want to share a post I wrote for a discussion board in a class. The question we where to respond to was “Why do we read to children”. I had a really hard and emotional night at work before I wrote this and it was really getting a lot of things off my chest. I do not think I answered the question the way my professor wanted me to, but I would not have changed it even if she told me too.

I have read to my son's preschool classes in the past dressed in my Police Officer's uniform. When I read to them, I simply would read a book picked out by his teacher. This Friday (and hopefully on a regular basis) I am going to my son’s kindergarten class and give a small presentation on following rules and the consequences for not doing so. I am also going to read a book (Officer Buckle and Gloria by Peggy Rathmann) to the class. I want to make me reading a book to them as a Police Officer a weekly event, if the teacher allows it. I feel that this is very beneficial to the young student in two ways. The first is of course the benefit they get of having a book read to them and the second is to let them know that a Police Officer is no one that they need to fear or not like.

Too many time in my line of work the only chance a young child has any knowledge about what a police officer does is when their parent is being pulled over for speeding or when they see one of their parents (or both – and yes this does happen) get arrested. A side note to that if the person that I am arresting is being “cool” with me and they are no serious threat to me or anyone else, I will ask the parent if they want their child to leave or ask them if they them selves would want to got to a different room to apply their handcuffs. I know I am right in doing my job (arresting the person that did something wrong) but I also know the impact on that child seeing me arresting their loved. They do not see me doing my job by putting away the bad guy; they simply see me taking their mommy or daddy away. Children that see this often grow up to hate police officers for no other reason than that. There is a mentality in society and with people that I work with (and yes I am guilty of it too) of having an us versus them attitude. Some people hate cops for not other reason than the line of work that they chose to do “serve and protect” the city, county or state they work for. I have a job to do and I simply do it. It matters not to me that I might be arresting a bad guy one day and then helping that same person find their child’s bike or the child themselves. I hold no grudges against anyone and I “unrealistically” think people do the same and that is not the case. Sometimes I am someone’s best friend when they need me or their worst enemy when I am there and they do not want me there. When I was working with an FTO (Field training officer) in Lincoln this old veteran told me something that I still remember and utilize to this day. He stated “When we as a police officers are dealing with a person, it is always on the worst day of their life’s and to not hold that against someone until I had a day as bad as theirs”. I think back to many encounters I have had when a person is getting a speeding ticket (and yes I have had plenty and know what they feel like), or when I am telling someone that his pregnant sister just died at the hands of a drunk driver when I was just telling him a week before that his mother was killed in a car wreck (true story), or when I am letting a loved one know that the person they wanted me to check on because they have not heard from them for while put a gun to his head, or when I am working an accident of a 16 year old who just got his license that day and is afraid of what mom and dad will do, or when I am arresting a 98 year old women because she did not know that her license had been suspended because she did not realize that she was supposed to send in proof of insurance when she received a notice to produce proof of insurance by the DOR, I could go on and on, but I hope that you get the picture.

There is a point to all this. Most people who do not know someone in law enforcement or happened to be married to one, do not understand that I put my shoes on one boot at a time like they do, that I would rather be home with my family reading a book to my son before he goes to bed than taking someone to jail. They do not understand that I cry (after my job is done and everything hits me) when I work a fatality accident involving the death of someone due to the hands of a drunk driver just like anyone else would (I actually feel guilty when I say a quick prayer thanking God that it is not my wife son or daughter that will be buried in 4 days with a closed casket because the injuries are so sever). Contrary to what people think, most police officer do not have ice water rushing through their veins. Most people do not understand that I get mad when someone I am taking to jail calls my wife every name in the book or they tell me they hope my child gets cancer and dies. I want to beat the crap out of him just like any other husband or dad would do, but I have to be “professional” and not say anything back just sit there an take it. Most people do not know that it makes me so sad to have to take someone’s child away because their parent did not provide a safe place for that child to be raised and that little child and kicking and screaming when being removed from his mother or father. Some people to not expect cops to be real human beings, but we are.

My son has no fear of a person wearing a uniform, whether it is a police officer, deputy sheriff or a state trooper and will often go up and tell person that his daddy is a police officer. I know that this is because of what I do for a living (not much longer though) and is around me all the time. Some children are never around a police officer unless in incidents like I listed above. I know that the more a child is exposed to a police officer on a friend to friend basis the more they will understand that a police office is no one to be scared of or to hate.
So my hope is that by me taking time to let that child know how much I care about them by coming on my free time to read them a book it will change their perceptions of police officers and know that they do care about them. I hope that someday when that child is an adult and is having “the worst day of their life” they can think back to when they where in kindergarten and remember a police officer loved them so much that he came and read them a book or remember that their friend Joshua’s, dad was a police officer and he read me a book every week and he was a pretty cool guy.