I hate to admit what were my influences growing up. My pop-culture playlist consisted of several different things: He-Man, Charles Barkley, Michael Jackson (I'm sorry now), the Muppets and Jim Henson, MTV, Hootie and the Blowfish, the Animaniacs, Garfield, Dave Coulier from Full House, any stand-up comedian, children's theater, etc.
I'm not sure how all of them worked to produce the man that I am today. I know that I love to laugh and don't take much too seriously. It's what He-Man would have wanted.
I know I value my family, children, getting along with people, entertainment, treating people with respect, and education. I probably didn't get the respect thing from Sir Charles, though he did teach me how to be tenacious and a hard-a$$ in sports. I think there's a lot of positive things to be learned from Fraggle Rock. I make my kids watch it now as part of our Friday Treat. I guess I really don't know what made me me. I know I see a lot of my parents in myself and I have always been a firm believer in the ability of parents to be the ultimate influence in a kid's life. It's not always true, but a confident and comfortable kid, I feel is more likely to see something and not be adveresely affected by it. That's how, when I volunteered at a pre-school, I was able to watch so many episodes of Barney without shooting people. I tend to be off-topic a lot so I guess the point of all this is, I think my family was what really defined me as a person...and episodes of Gilligan's Island.
Friday, November 10, 2006
Perception is Reality and Reality is FAB-U-LOUS!
Perception is a funny thing. You really have very little control over what people are going to think about you. The best you can do is always put your best foot forward. I find this especially true since I started working full time in the elementary schools. Maybe I should have figured something was up when my college pick-up line, "Hey there, sweet thang, I want to teach tiny children for little to no money, what's your sign?" didn't get me any play. There's something not very appealing about a guy who feels comfortable in pink, likes the Muppets, and works with little children. Don't get me wrong, I found the one woman who seems to dig that combination and we are getting married in February. The only reason I bring her up is because there is an overwhelming perception that I (and a lot of other male primary teachers) are in fact raging homosexuals. (I like using raging with there because it makes them sound like a rough and tumble gang.)
Not that it’s a big deal, I embrace the jokes (I even make a lot of them), I’m proud of my Kohl’s Gold Card, I watch Project Runway and Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, I enjoy working with kids, talk in funny voices, oh, and I have that Muppet thing. Honestly, how people perceive me has become less of an issue for me as I got older. The only reason I bring all of this up is because I’ve had an interesting situation unfold with the mother of a student in my class.
She’s met me once in person, for all of five minutes. She wanted to introduce me to her son who was joining my class the next day. (I found out later that she was apprehensive about her son having a male teacher – though I haven’t been made aware of any male influence in his life.) Her son wasn’t always at school, in fact he was gone 33% of the time. As such, I called her at home fairly frequently to check up on him. I guess I had talked to her at least 10 times during the first quarter and early second.
On Halloween she called up and asked me to help her son get into his costume when the party began in the afternoon. “He’s got a scarf that goes on it. You know how to put on a scarf like a woman wears it, right?” I was trying to be nice so I say, “Sure, I think I can figure it out.” Big mistake. Her response: “Uh-huh, yeah, I thought so.”
Later that day, my boss seeks me out to tell me that he just got off the phone with a principal from another school in the district. Turns out, directly after she got off the phone with me, the mother called another school to enroll her son because, “that teacher over there, you know him, he’s a little…well, you know…GAY!” She was informed that she wasn’t allowed to move her son just because I said I might know how to put on a woman’s scarf.
Really? What kind of a school system are we running that I can subject her kid to scarves whenever I want.
No wonder the Wal-Mart brass is pushing for school vouchers. But I digress.
At first in this situation, I was offended that she thought I was gay. First she was concerned that I was too manly for her son to have as a teacher, suddenly, I’m not man enough, apparently. Sure, I call the kids, ‘Hon’ and talk to puppets when I teach. I’m not afraid to look silly if it will help or give a hug when it’s needed. Heck, the more I thought about it, the more I thought, “OK, fine, I can see that.” Perception is something I can’t really worry about. I worry about doing my job well.
Eventually, I wasn’t too offended about her misperception of my sexuality. I was more bothered that she thought I couldn’t teach her son. Period.
Interesting Notes:
- I’ve decided to use the words ‘super’ or ‘fabulous’ at least once in conversation whenever I talk to this woman from now on.
- Her son does a mean Elmo impression. I wonder how she feels about that?
- She didn’t even pack her kid’s scarf for his costume. How was I supposed to display my scarf prowess?
Monday, October 23, 2006
Questions to Consider
Please post responses to the following questions by November 1.
1.A. Which specific media (reading, television, film, songs, programs, characters, etc) do you believe most influenced you in elementary, junior high, high school, and beyond?
B. What did theses programs/characters motivate you to say, do, think, believe, or value?
2. As a follow-up to our discussion on Saturday, 10/21, how do you think male teachers in elementary schools are perceived? How are they treated (by students, colleagues/female colleagues, students’ parents, friends, family)? What examples can you share?
1.A. Which specific media (reading, television, film, songs, programs, characters, etc) do you believe most influenced you in elementary, junior high, high school, and beyond?
B. What did theses programs/characters motivate you to say, do, think, believe, or value?
2. As a follow-up to our discussion on Saturday, 10/21, how do you think male teachers in elementary schools are perceived? How are they treated (by students, colleagues/female colleagues, students’ parents, friends, family)? What examples can you share?
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
From September 30, 2006
The following entries were written in response to a quote from Raising Cain.
I believe that the feelings that are termed feminine mean a man is not masculine. If not masculine then you are not a man. When men do show emotions they could be deemed as weak and not strong. A meager person. Or on the other spectrum, a man who does not show masculine feelings rather showing feminine ones could be thought to be homosexual. Then receiving peer criticism or a father’s masculine approach at “making his boy a man.” I believe society is so afraid of homosexuality and the way it is portrayed. People think of men and women in set stereotypes and if you don’t fit then there is a reason. I hear kids using the word “gay” all the time. Like your homework is “gay” or that test is “gay” not even knowing the meanings just thinking of it as negative. So people, boys, don’t want to be thought of in a negative way so they try to mask any feeling to fit in. If this means being aggressive and mean then so be it. And some boys just don’t know any other way.
They see men being aggressive at home or on TV and think of it as a way to be respected. How many super heroes do you see crying or showing emotion.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
This quote makes me think of my own childhood, and my present life as well. If I become quiet, or angry rarely does anyone ask me what it is that’s bothering me, and generally when someone does, it’s my mother or girlfriend. Typically, I have difficulty finding the ‘real’ reason for my feelings. I’ll blame it on the obvious event, only to talk it out and find it’s something else entirely. It’s this sort of thought process adults need to teach children. In order to deal with events, and in order to raise boys who can regulate their negative affect, they first have to be able to identify the issue.
Crying generally is considered something that you can’t control We help the crier because something beyond their control is making them upset. An angry child is often attributed to an inborn temperament, or just “crabby.” This is seen as a normal occurrence and the mindset is “They can be happy if they want to, they don’t need any help.” Both children have the same issues, but criers receive more help while angrie’s get punished. While society teaches boys not to cry, they effectively limit the amount of emotional help and guidance the child will receive.
We help criers. We discipline angries.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Normal emotion? What is that? My father had ’em, I’m sure, but he buried them most of the time. He would sit in silence and stare and smoke, at night before bedtime staring off into space his face wreathed in bluish while smoke from a “Camel” or “Lucky Strike.”
We would nearly never – 2-3 times in all those years – have a real or sensitive conversation. He did, though, get into telling me stories from his life – the gangster he worked for as a gas employee – those who wanted to fuel their illegal stills with gas. The people he met on the job, the people he grew up with.
My wish is that he would have been different – that there was more intimacy and closeness there – but I also believe that he did the best that he could with what he had to work with.
My mother was the saving grace.
I’m not sure any of his would have made it without her.
She was all heart – a walking heart – whose intuition and insights never seemed to fail – but for ALL of this and more, she paid a high price.
_________________________________________________________________
I’ve recently seen the two different paths young boys can take in the realm of emotions. These two sides are diametrically opposed to each other and can create two disparate approaches to school. One boy came from a house where there was a literal and metaphorical lock and door between he and the adults in his life. He was looking towards his teenage brothers (both, with extensive juvenile records) for guidance. Since last school year, those older boys have been moved to a new household, and the younger was taken in by a very loving grandmother. Instead of last year’s anger, hitting, etc. I see a boy who gets sad, angry, happy, excited, the whole gamut.
He was recently punched, repeatedly, by another boy who lacks the emotional resources of the first… He didn’t hit back. He simply told an adult.
--------------------------------------------------------
My son explodes in anger. What do I do? Do I assume testosterone is to blame? Not necessarily. I tend to see it just as different ways of responding, different wiring -- some of us, like my daughter, are level much of the time. My son is a more passionate person, sensitive perhaps. Do I think of this as a feminine or weak trait? I hope not. Sometimes I’ll say – “go have a good cry. It’s ok.” But I think he fears what will happen if he cries or “loses it” at school. I think some kids hold it in in public and then practically explode once home and away from observing peers and teachers.
My son also has greater bouts of fear, but I think that is from thinking, dwelling on things.
I believe that the feelings that are termed feminine mean a man is not masculine. If not masculine then you are not a man. When men do show emotions they could be deemed as weak and not strong. A meager person. Or on the other spectrum, a man who does not show masculine feelings rather showing feminine ones could be thought to be homosexual. Then receiving peer criticism or a father’s masculine approach at “making his boy a man.” I believe society is so afraid of homosexuality and the way it is portrayed. People think of men and women in set stereotypes and if you don’t fit then there is a reason. I hear kids using the word “gay” all the time. Like your homework is “gay” or that test is “gay” not even knowing the meanings just thinking of it as negative. So people, boys, don’t want to be thought of in a negative way so they try to mask any feeling to fit in. If this means being aggressive and mean then so be it. And some boys just don’t know any other way.
They see men being aggressive at home or on TV and think of it as a way to be respected. How many super heroes do you see crying or showing emotion.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
This quote makes me think of my own childhood, and my present life as well. If I become quiet, or angry rarely does anyone ask me what it is that’s bothering me, and generally when someone does, it’s my mother or girlfriend. Typically, I have difficulty finding the ‘real’ reason for my feelings. I’ll blame it on the obvious event, only to talk it out and find it’s something else entirely. It’s this sort of thought process adults need to teach children. In order to deal with events, and in order to raise boys who can regulate their negative affect, they first have to be able to identify the issue.
Crying generally is considered something that you can’t control We help the crier because something beyond their control is making them upset. An angry child is often attributed to an inborn temperament, or just “crabby.” This is seen as a normal occurrence and the mindset is “They can be happy if they want to, they don’t need any help.” Both children have the same issues, but criers receive more help while angrie’s get punished. While society teaches boys not to cry, they effectively limit the amount of emotional help and guidance the child will receive.
We help criers. We discipline angries.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Normal emotion? What is that? My father had ’em, I’m sure, but he buried them most of the time. He would sit in silence and stare and smoke, at night before bedtime staring off into space his face wreathed in bluish while smoke from a “Camel” or “Lucky Strike.”
We would nearly never – 2-3 times in all those years – have a real or sensitive conversation. He did, though, get into telling me stories from his life – the gangster he worked for as a gas employee – those who wanted to fuel their illegal stills with gas. The people he met on the job, the people he grew up with.
My wish is that he would have been different – that there was more intimacy and closeness there – but I also believe that he did the best that he could with what he had to work with.
My mother was the saving grace.
I’m not sure any of his would have made it without her.
She was all heart – a walking heart – whose intuition and insights never seemed to fail – but for ALL of this and more, she paid a high price.
_________________________________________________________________
I’ve recently seen the two different paths young boys can take in the realm of emotions. These two sides are diametrically opposed to each other and can create two disparate approaches to school. One boy came from a house where there was a literal and metaphorical lock and door between he and the adults in his life. He was looking towards his teenage brothers (both, with extensive juvenile records) for guidance. Since last school year, those older boys have been moved to a new household, and the younger was taken in by a very loving grandmother. Instead of last year’s anger, hitting, etc. I see a boy who gets sad, angry, happy, excited, the whole gamut.
He was recently punched, repeatedly, by another boy who lacks the emotional resources of the first… He didn’t hit back. He simply told an adult.
--------------------------------------------------------
My son explodes in anger. What do I do? Do I assume testosterone is to blame? Not necessarily. I tend to see it just as different ways of responding, different wiring -- some of us, like my daughter, are level much of the time. My son is a more passionate person, sensitive perhaps. Do I think of this as a feminine or weak trait? I hope not. Sometimes I’ll say – “go have a good cry. It’s ok.” But I think he fears what will happen if he cries or “loses it” at school. I think some kids hold it in in public and then practically explode once home and away from observing peers and teachers.
My son also has greater bouts of fear, but I think that is from thinking, dwelling on things.
Friday, September 29, 2006
Welcome to the Mizzou MMEET Scholars Blog!
This blog may be for--
sharing classroom experiences
discussing the readings
recommending resources
and connecting between sessions.
sharing classroom experiences
discussing the readings
recommending resources
and connecting between sessions.
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